Quitting Smoking

Well, I smoked my last cigarette just before midnight tonight. Do I crave one now? Nope! I hid my ashtray, stowed my lighter next to the candles, and threw away all cigarette packs & trash from them. Tomorrow will be a cake walk. It's day #2 & #3 that's hard!

I've got plenty to do instead of smoke.

• My car's tank is almost full.
• I've got a semi-fresh puzzle book.
• My knitting/crocheting is right in the closet along with my guitar & keyboard.
• Straws are in the pantry.

I've got plenty of reasons to quit.

1. My cat's health. He is wheezing right now.
2. Being an inspiration to those around me to quit.
3. My health. I'm allergic to cigarettes.
   
4. My appearance. Yes, I do give a pooh.
5. My sleep schedule. It's been rough staying up until 5/6 AM.

My plan is to just not go anywhere for the next few days unless necessary. That helped last time. Plus, I don't have the money for it. The $90 in my checking is being moved to savings. Naturally, I couldn't pay my water bill Friday, the day it was due on the bill, b/c the office was closed. This town is so backwards. Anywho, I'll be paying that tomorrow, but no other going out plans are in the works.

Sociable

I have been feeling down in the dumps lately. There are tons of reasons. I am leaving portions of the truth covered from my family. I only have 2 friends outside of family. One friend is too busy to hang with me. The other friend seems to be pushing away for some reason. My relationships with my blood relatives are all crap.

I feel all alone in this big and scary world. At least I've got my cat, and God, to keep me company. They both love me so much. It just doesn't seem like enough. I deserve better, but feel like there's nothing I can do to make it better. I'm a smart guy. I know there are plenty of ways I can improve my social situation.

The first step is getting out of the house, but where would I go? I could go to the gay bar or the karaoke bar. I just feel exposed and lonely going out by myself. I could go to church, but most Christians don't see the bigger picture. Most ppl at a bar don't see it either.

Am I doomed to be lonely for the remainder of my life? Am I missing the guy who broke my heart a few months ago? Am I upset at the 9 shirts hanging in my living room b/c the dryer's broken? Am I just missing some part of my brain that everyone else possesses?

Loosing my Motivation

I have a terrible problem with motivation. It comes and goes, as if it has free will. I got motivated about noon. I decided to go and pay the water bill. To my surprise, the government-controlled industry is closed on the day after Thanksgiving. My bill clearly states that my payment is due today, 11/27.

This is, of course, the same water works that has a "We appreciate your business!" sign posted in the window. You are a government-controlled monopoly! If I didn't use you, I'd be breaking the law, as septic tanks are outlawed where I live and I am not going to drink well water contaminated by a high school's chemistry teacher's illegal dumping activity. Wait, that's a rant for a different time!

Anyways, when I passed the water office on the way to the bank, I noticed they were closed! This killed any remaining motivation I had for now. I can't seem to get it back either. The desire to get off my butt and do something that will help me progress towards my goals is there, but without motivation, I can't get started!

Brothers

You ever notice how some people don't shut up? My brother pissed me off about an hour ago. I ask him for one simple favor, and I'm willing to pay him for it. He says 'No.' I say, 'That's cool.' Then he proceeds to list the reasons for his decision!

Why do people do that? I'm cool with you saying no. You don't have to prove anything to me about your choice. It's your choice. I'm an adult and understand I'm not going to always get what I want. The only reason I can think of for him spouting out reasons is that he feels bad about telling his little brother no.

My brother has forever shaped my life. Some for good and some for bad. I like to think mostly good, but there was one bad time that until now I blamed myself for, when ultimately it was a lack of communication on every family member's part, myself included.

Of course, the time I speak of was what instilled in me a fear of success. I was able to out-do my brother at college level work and thought for almost 20 years that I was the reason he dropped out of college. Due to my success, he failed. It wasn't like that at all. No, I'm 29 and have to face those demons as an adult, and it's hard!

Daily Money

OK, so in efforts to quit smoking, I am thinking about how much money I'll be able to save. I've already got my bills down and eat dinner at home 6 days a week, so I'm good there. The daily unnecessary money is the last part:

• Cigarettes -- $3.13
• Soda -- $3.09
• Coffee -- $0.56
• Driving around -- $3.25

Yes, I do drive a lot. I go about 40 miles, just for fun about every day. I do get between 28 and 31 mpgs, best just after an oil change.

So, the cigarettes will give me $93.90 on a 30 day month. That'd be pretty good funneled into savings. It's 21.91 a week. BTW, Circle K has Marlboro Mediums on sale for cheap when you buy 2 packs.

After cigarettes will come soda & driving around. Those won't be cut out entirely. I'll cut them back to the level of the coffee. All of that will save me 8.35 a day, 58.45 a week, 250.50 a month, 3,047.75 over a year! That's enough to buy an cheap, but working, car/truck. Several if you find a good deal.

OK, so I should forget about everything I just said. I'll just stick with the $3.13 a day for cigarettes. It's gonna go in my change jar every day.

Clutch

Well, my clutch is starting to go out on my car. That'd be only $175 if I fix it myself. I haven't called around to see what the prices are. I don't really want to do it myself. When I bought it in 2007, I knew it would need a clutch within a few years. Well, here it is a few years later and it's going.

In third gear it will rev up without going any faster if I gun it. Until today, that had been the worst of it. Today, I was going up a hill at 50 mph in fifth gear and the engine reved. I backed off the accelerator and it righted itself. I was slowing down, so downshifted of course.

It is scary driving it. Luckily, I've got enough money in case I need a tow, so I can drive it around town still. I don't have the money to have it fixed, so I'm gonna keep with the procrastination and hopefully I can get it done after Christmas.

Today's Docket

Well, I woke up at 1:45, yet again :( I miss mornings. It's so depressing waking up in the afternoons! Well, I've got a few things on my plate for today, but I'll put it off until later.

• Exercise
• Eat a Salad
• Eat Fruit
• Clean up Living Room & Computer Room
• Laundry -- Sheets
  
• Read

That's not much, but it sure does seem like a lot to me. I have no dryer so laundry will have to air dry. All I need right now are boxers and jeans/pants, thank God! We'll see if I can get this done today.

The hard part will be trying to go to bed early. Maybe I can get a 3-4 hour nap in at midnight. I could work with a sleep schedule like that, so long as my tv shows are ready to watch when I get up!

Amendment

When I am at home, I will smoke on the porch, in only my boxers! That'll teach me!

Imagination

I have a fairly active imagination. It's not like most people's. Then again, my brain's not set up like most people's. I have a recurring day dream where only 1 in 100,000 survive this deadly event. You can see who that's a good jumping point for a lot of directions.

Anyways, I'm gonna put my imagination to work for me. Every night, before bed, I'm gonna imagine the best day for tomorrow. I'll get everything I want, and everything will be done. If I'm lucky, I'll get lucky with somebody! lol.

Well, It's way past my bed time and I'm gonna strip down and step out for a smoke.

Good Night!

Still Smoking

So I bought 2 packs ... Stupid Circle K & their expensive single packs. Well, it happened when I had to go to the grocery store. I stopped by Circle K first, b/c I needed a cigarette. If I had just kept myself home today! Well, nothing I can do to change the past...

In an effort to quit again, I've decided to smoke outside. Even when I'm out somewhere, I'll step outside to inconvenience myself. Shove on another reason to quit smoking. When I'm home, I'm gonna go a step further and not wear any shirt when I'm outside smoking. Man tits and all will be visible from the highway! Cover your children's eyes! lol.

Wow! It's a nippy 51 out there right now. Not too bad for this time of year. Tomorrow night will be 44! I guess I'll be smoking a lot less tomorrow night.

Quitting Smoking

Sunday will be Day #1 of quitting smoking. It will be the 10th Day #1 over the last 8 weeks. I lasted 20 days in Sept/Oct. It's been a long and treacherous road. I know all the benefits, but I've been smoking since March 1996. 13 years of habit does not make it easy.

I'll have to use my procrastination to my advantage, in that I'll procrastinate going to the store to buy cigarettes. I'll have no need to go to the store, b/c I've got everything I need until Wednesday. My procrastination must remain fixated on going to the store, thus allowing me to do something on my to do list when I'm having a craving.

"Procrastination fixates on going to the store."
"Procrastination fixates on going to the store."
"Procrastination fixates on going to the store."
"Procrastination fixates on going to the store."
"Procrastination fixates on going to the store."

The Dryer's Dead

A couple of days ago, my dryer stopped working. I knew it was the drum belt b/c I could hear the motor whirling away, but didn't hear the drum rotating. I just went about my business, like nothing was wrong. Procrastination is one of my favorite past-times, btw.

Today, I got a wild hair and jumped over to You Tube. Well, all the dryers are basically the same. An older GE, like what I have, isn't all that easy to change out the belt. Once I got the back hatch pulled off, I realized the part of the drum that protruded through the back wasn't pointing through a large metal ring, where it was supposed to be. The metal ring had a large gash in it and the protrusion had dropped and over time worn away the metal plate and continued to moved down. I stopped right there.

Smoking a cigarette on the couch, I stewed over the situation, "Now, I've got to buy a dryer. There goes my emergency fund. Why didn't I do this before I paid on my credit card?" Finally, I came to the conclusion of not worrying about it right now. I replaced enough screws to hold it together.