This week, I started seeing this guy that lives around the corner from me. We almost instantly connected, something that hasn't happened to me in a long time. He's sweet, attractive, kind, giving, and the sexual energy between us is AMAZING! The only hitch is he is positive.
He told me on our first date and I was a little shocked. I let the date continue and run it's course. After he left, I stayed up for hours considering what exactly my feelings were about the issue. I did research into it, because I have never dated anyone who was HIV positive before. I thought about how my life would be affected by this. Sure, safe sex is a must, but more than that the road ahead would be rocky.
The complete impact of this is still unknown to me. I may loose friends, but if I do then they weren't really my friends to begin with. My parents would surely have tons of things to say about it, and I'll have to stand my ground with them. I may have to take care of him if things take a turn for the worse, which I am more than willing to do.
The biggest worry I have is becoming positive myself. Sure, it's not the death sentence it once was, but the thought still scares me. There are drugs that help prevent catching it, but I've never liked taking daily medication. There's even a cure/vaccine in the works which I have read about in multiple publications and it sounds very promising but still a few years away.
All of this may not be an issue, because the last guy I seriously dated told me this week that he was positive. I didn't know at the time, so we weren't safe. He said it was undetectable, so I should be ok, but the last time I was tested was back in October, when I was seeing him, so it wouldn't have shown up on the test. I will be getting tested Saturday, just to make sure.
If the test comes back positive, I'm sure to be an emotional wreck. Who do I tell first? The guy I'm currently dating? My best friend? Surely not my parents or roommates...yet. I'm trying not to think about it until I know for sure. All I know is I'm going to need someone to hold me and tell me everything's going to be alright.
Ultimately, I've decided that I am not going to let his status affect how I feel about him. He is genuinely a great guy with a huge heart. The more I learn about him the more I like him. I feel like I'm falling in love with him. We've seen each other the last 3 nights and have plans for tonight too.
We haven't had sex yet, which is a good thing because I do need to get tested and know my status before entering into that. Plus, the tension is building and it's going to make our first time all the better. We've talked about our likes and dislikes in that department and it's a very good match, and just fooling around has got both of us hot and bothered.
At any rate, I'll be updating this blog more now that I've got a good struggle to share with the world. Maybe someone will read this and it will help with a similar situation...I can only hope.
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